A Request for the Men

Okay guys, I have a request for you.

Today while I was buying a pizza at Blaze, one of the pizza makers looked at me and with a wide smile on his face said, "Has anyone ever told you you look like a prettier Amy Schumer? I mean, she's pretty, but you are even prettier!"

While I don't advise comparing women to each other, this young man made my day. He gave me a kind-hearted compliment with no agenda. He didn't ask for my number, expect me to say anything in return, or make me feel nervous. He simply gave his compliment and moved on.   


Can moments like these happen more often? Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Innocent, friendly compliments like the one I received today are so simple and effective. When I left the restaurant, pizza in hand, I had a bigger smile on my face and an extra kick in my step. I felt just a little bit prettier, a little more appreciated, and a little bit lighter.  Unfortunately, an agenda-free, creep-free compliment from a random man has only happened to me twice in my life. TWICE.

You probably heard of the girl who walked around in New York City for 10 hours with a hidden camera. Here is a link if you want to watch the video. She received over 100 catcalls, not counting whistles and winks. Men gave her "compliments" and many of them were upset with her when she wouldn't talk to them or smile. This is, sadly, a common scenario - one that most women have experienced countless times. These comments make us feel unsafe and dirty, with a sudden desire to feel invisible and get away as quickly as possible.

GUYS, you can help drown out the catcalls and whistles. You can tell women they are valuable, beautiful and appreciated. You can remind women that there are still kind men in the world.

Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Hopefully you already give words of affirmation to your close female friends, but if you don't, start there. The women in your life need to be reminded that they are appreciated, valued and loved. They most likely get a lot of compliments from other women in their life, but they might not hear it from men.
2. Don't go up to a random woman and comment on her looks. That is creepy. Instead, say something affirmative or encouraging to a woman who you are already interacting with, like the woman at the register, the telemarketer on the phone, or the lady next to you in line.
3. If you are afraid about coming across creepy, try giving random words of affirmation to female strangers while you are with female company. When she sees you are with other women, she will feel more safe and won't assume you are hitting on her.
4. Notice something about her, then compliment her on it. For example, "I really like those earrings," "You should know that you are really beautiful, just the way you are," or "you have really nice eyes."
5. If you can say something that isn't about her looks, that is even better! The other day, my friend said a man she hardly knows told her she is a wonderful woman and deserves only the best. That statement of affirmation made a big impact on her. You can also compliment them when you see them doing a good job at work, or exhibiting an admirable personality trait.
6. See a woman who looks discouraged or sad? Say something to cheer her up!
7. Once you have given your compliment, move on. Don't wait for a reply or expect a smile in return. Just give her the gift and move on. If you linger, then she might start thinking you are creepy.

I am really serious about this. Please give it a try and see the results for yourself. Consult the women in your life for further advice, or leave comments below. Also, let us know what women can do to encourage the men we randomly encounter. Maybe we can change the world, one positive, affirmative, cross-gender interaction at a time.

Let's Change the Conversation

"Look at her, she seems so wonderful. Why isn't she married yet?"

This is a sentence I have heard many times, directed to me or people I know. The older the single woman or man is, the more frequent the question arises. The word choice may vary, but the question remains the same: "Why is s/he still single?"

When we ask this question, we are insinuating that it is wrong for her to be single, that at her age it would be better for her to be married. Her life is not as good as it could be. When we ask this question, we are telling every young woman and man that the better life is marriage. When we ask this question, we may even go as far as devaluing her as an individual - there must be something wrong with her if she wasn't able to marry, right?

The conversation must change. We have to stop wondering why good people are still single, we have to stop thinking that the fairytale idea of marriage is available to everyone and is the best way of life.

A single person can have a full life, filled with love, friends, family, accomplishments and a legacy. No spouse required.

Stop wondering why I'm not married. Ask me if I am satisfied with this life (yes). Find out what God is doing in and through me. Ask me what my struggles and gifts are. See me as a complete person who is striving to love God and love others. Stop reminding me that my biological clock is ticking. I am so much more than someone's future wife. I am a child of God.

Stop talking and acting like we are unequal. We are all equal, no matter what our relationship status.

Letting go of the Fairytale

Cinderella
Beauty and the Beast
Snow White
Sleeping Beauty
The little Mermaid
Aladdin
Shrek
Frozen

The story of finding true love against all odds, getting married and living happily ever after is embedded into our culture. As children, teens and adults, we have all hoped for the man and woman to find each other and experience true love.

As a girl, I loved these stories and I believed I would have my own version. I would meet my "prince charming" in college, marry by the age of 24 and start having kids by age 27. 

Then I turned 24, then 25, 26 and so on... and there was no prince charming. He didn't come. My fairytale dreams crumbled under the weight of reality, so I tried altering my timeline. Surely I would be married by thirty, right?

But as the imminence of the big 3-0 drew closer, I came face to face with the fact that I had it all wrong. All this time, I wanted a life that I was told I deserved by culture, family, friends, church and my overly romantic self. I waited and waited for this life to begin, hoping for something that wasn't within God's timeline for me.  I set myself up for disappointment and blamed God for it.

And then one day my eyes were opened. I looked at my life and realized it is good. I have a great job, a supportive community of friends, a good relationship with my parents, and have traveled around the world.

My life is amazing and I almost missed it because I was waiting.

So I'm letting go of the fairytale. I still want to get married and have a family, but I am not waiting anymore. I am stepping into the unknown, where the only certainty is that God has a good plan for my life, better than any fairytale ever written.