Let's Change the Conversation

"Look at her, she seems so wonderful. Why isn't she married yet?"

This is a sentence I have heard many times, directed to me or people I know. The older the single woman or man is, the more frequent the question arises. The word choice may vary, but the question remains the same: "Why is s/he still single?"

When we ask this question, we are insinuating that it is wrong for her to be single, that at her age it would be better for her to be married. Her life is not as good as it could be. When we ask this question, we are telling every young woman and man that the better life is marriage. When we ask this question, we may even go as far as devaluing her as an individual - there must be something wrong with her if she wasn't able to marry, right?

The conversation must change. We have to stop wondering why good people are still single, we have to stop thinking that the fairytale idea of marriage is available to everyone and is the best way of life.

A single person can have a full life, filled with love, friends, family, accomplishments and a legacy. No spouse required.

Stop wondering why I'm not married. Ask me if I am satisfied with this life (yes). Find out what God is doing in and through me. Ask me what my struggles and gifts are. See me as a complete person who is striving to love God and love others. Stop reminding me that my biological clock is ticking. I am so much more than someone's future wife. I am a child of God.

Stop talking and acting like we are unequal. We are all equal, no matter what our relationship status.