Meet Singleness, the Scapegoat

I am guilty.

Guilty of accusing a harmless relationship status of all my problems.

Unhappy on Valentine's Day? Well maybe I would like it if I had a boyfriend...
Only person at the wedding without a date? Would be nice if I had a husband...
Feeling lonely on a Friday night? If only I wasn't single...

It is so easy to blame singleness for unhappiness. I mean, why not? Society has told us to do so. T.V shows, movies, and music are constantly reminding us that relationships create joy and fix loneliness. Friends with significant others give us sympathy when they find out we are single. Christian culture perpetuates the idea that marriage is better than singleness. And as if outside pressures aren't enough, our physical bodies crave intimate touch and our hearts crave intimate connection.

For a couple of years now, I have been aware that singleness has gotten a bad reputation in the world. However it is only recently I realized I have been using it as a scapegoat, blaming it for all of my unhappiness. My dissatisfaction was never the fault of my singleness.  

Last Friday, I fell into the horrid pit of loneliness that all singles fear. I was alone with no plans and no one to talk to. It was Thanksgiving weekend and for all I knew, all my single friends were out of town. What now? Do I try to entertain myself? Do I wallow in self pity? Do I search for a friend, at the risk of being told they were out of town, or worse - that they already had plans?

I immediately began to wish for a boyfriend. If I had a boyfriend, I would be fine! But then my passion for learning to be content grabbed hold and shook me to my senses.

Singleness does not equate to loneliness.
Marriage does not equate to a lack of loneliness.
Boyfriends do not equate to happiness.
My relationship status was not to blame, my fear of "not fitting in" was the culprit.

After realizing my insecurity was unfounded, I contacted a few friends to find something to do. Within minutes I was on the road, picking up a friend to see a movie. Loneliness averted.

And so, I have decided to turn a new leaf. I'm throwing caution to the wind and releasing my scapegoat from captivity. I'm asking deeper questions to get to the root of the problem and not using singleness as an excuse. I challenge my single and married readers to do the same - the next time you wish for a significant other (or to be single again), ask yourself if that is really the issue. Maybe you just need to reach out to a friend, hug someone, or work out a conflict. Maybe you need to address an unhealthy insecurity. Maybe you need to take better care of yourself. I am willing to bet that you don't need a girlfriend, boyfriend, or separation to fix the problem.