A Request for the Men

Okay guys, I have a request for you.

Today while I was buying a pizza at Blaze, one of the pizza makers looked at me and with a wide smile on his face said, "Has anyone ever told you you look like a prettier Amy Schumer? I mean, she's pretty, but you are even prettier!"

While I don't advise comparing women to each other, this young man made my day. He gave me a kind-hearted compliment with no agenda. He didn't ask for my number, expect me to say anything in return, or make me feel nervous. He simply gave his compliment and moved on.   


Can moments like these happen more often? Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Innocent, friendly compliments like the one I received today are so simple and effective. When I left the restaurant, pizza in hand, I had a bigger smile on my face and an extra kick in my step. I felt just a little bit prettier, a little more appreciated, and a little bit lighter.  Unfortunately, an agenda-free, creep-free compliment from a random man has only happened to me twice in my life. TWICE.

You probably heard of the girl who walked around in New York City for 10 hours with a hidden camera. Here is a link if you want to watch the video. She received over 100 catcalls, not counting whistles and winks. Men gave her "compliments" and many of them were upset with her when she wouldn't talk to them or smile. This is, sadly, a common scenario - one that most women have experienced countless times. These comments make us feel unsafe and dirty, with a sudden desire to feel invisible and get away as quickly as possible.

GUYS, you can help drown out the catcalls and whistles. You can tell women they are valuable, beautiful and appreciated. You can remind women that there are still kind men in the world.

Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Hopefully you already give words of affirmation to your close female friends, but if you don't, start there. The women in your life need to be reminded that they are appreciated, valued and loved. They most likely get a lot of compliments from other women in their life, but they might not hear it from men.
2. Don't go up to a random woman and comment on her looks. That is creepy. Instead, say something affirmative or encouraging to a woman who you are already interacting with, like the woman at the register, the telemarketer on the phone, or the lady next to you in line.
3. If you are afraid about coming across creepy, try giving random words of affirmation to female strangers while you are with female company. When she sees you are with other women, she will feel more safe and won't assume you are hitting on her.
4. Notice something about her, then compliment her on it. For example, "I really like those earrings," "You should know that you are really beautiful, just the way you are," or "you have really nice eyes."
5. If you can say something that isn't about her looks, that is even better! The other day, my friend said a man she hardly knows told her she is a wonderful woman and deserves only the best. That statement of affirmation made a big impact on her. You can also compliment them when you see them doing a good job at work, or exhibiting an admirable personality trait.
6. See a woman who looks discouraged or sad? Say something to cheer her up!
7. Once you have given your compliment, move on. Don't wait for a reply or expect a smile in return. Just give her the gift and move on. If you linger, then she might start thinking you are creepy.

I am really serious about this. Please give it a try and see the results for yourself. Consult the women in your life for further advice, or leave comments below. Also, let us know what women can do to encourage the men we randomly encounter. Maybe we can change the world, one positive, affirmative, cross-gender interaction at a time.

Meet Singleness, the Scapegoat

I am guilty.

Guilty of accusing a harmless relationship status of all my problems.

Unhappy on Valentine's Day? Well maybe I would like it if I had a boyfriend...
Only person at the wedding without a date? Would be nice if I had a husband...
Feeling lonely on a Friday night? If only I wasn't single...

It is so easy to blame singleness for unhappiness. I mean, why not? Society has told us to do so. T.V shows, movies, and music are constantly reminding us that relationships create joy and fix loneliness. Friends with significant others give us sympathy when they find out we are single. Christian culture perpetuates the idea that marriage is better than singleness. And as if outside pressures aren't enough, our physical bodies crave intimate touch and our hearts crave intimate connection.

For a couple of years now, I have been aware that singleness has gotten a bad reputation in the world. However it is only recently I realized I have been using it as a scapegoat, blaming it for all of my unhappiness. My dissatisfaction was never the fault of my singleness.  

Last Friday, I fell into the horrid pit of loneliness that all singles fear. I was alone with no plans and no one to talk to. It was Thanksgiving weekend and for all I knew, all my single friends were out of town. What now? Do I try to entertain myself? Do I wallow in self pity? Do I search for a friend, at the risk of being told they were out of town, or worse - that they already had plans?

I immediately began to wish for a boyfriend. If I had a boyfriend, I would be fine! But then my passion for learning to be content grabbed hold and shook me to my senses.

Singleness does not equate to loneliness.
Marriage does not equate to a lack of loneliness.
Boyfriends do not equate to happiness.
My relationship status was not to blame, my fear of "not fitting in" was the culprit.

After realizing my insecurity was unfounded, I contacted a few friends to find something to do. Within minutes I was on the road, picking up a friend to see a movie. Loneliness averted.

And so, I have decided to turn a new leaf. I'm throwing caution to the wind and releasing my scapegoat from captivity. I'm asking deeper questions to get to the root of the problem and not using singleness as an excuse. I challenge my single and married readers to do the same - the next time you wish for a significant other (or to be single again), ask yourself if that is really the issue. Maybe you just need to reach out to a friend, hug someone, or work out a conflict. Maybe you need to address an unhealthy insecurity. Maybe you need to take better care of yourself. I am willing to bet that you don't need a girlfriend, boyfriend, or separation to fix the problem.