Let's Change the Conversation

"Look at her, she seems so wonderful. Why isn't she married yet?"

This is a sentence I have heard many times, directed to me or people I know. The older the single woman or man is, the more frequent the question arises. The word choice may vary, but the question remains the same: "Why is s/he still single?"

When we ask this question, we are insinuating that it is wrong for her to be single, that at her age it would be better for her to be married. Her life is not as good as it could be. When we ask this question, we are telling every young woman and man that the better life is marriage. When we ask this question, we may even go as far as devaluing her as an individual - there must be something wrong with her if she wasn't able to marry, right?

The conversation must change. We have to stop wondering why good people are still single, we have to stop thinking that the fairytale idea of marriage is available to everyone and is the best way of life.

A single person can have a full life, filled with love, friends, family, accomplishments and a legacy. No spouse required.

Stop wondering why I'm not married. Ask me if I am satisfied with this life (yes). Find out what God is doing in and through me. Ask me what my struggles and gifts are. See me as a complete person who is striving to love God and love others. Stop reminding me that my biological clock is ticking. I am so much more than someone's future wife. I am a child of God.

Stop talking and acting like we are unequal. We are all equal, no matter what our relationship status.

Letting go of the Fairytale

Cinderella
Beauty and the Beast
Snow White
Sleeping Beauty
The little Mermaid
Aladdin
Shrek
Frozen

The story of finding true love against all odds, getting married and living happily ever after is embedded into our culture. As children, teens and adults, we have all hoped for the man and woman to find each other and experience true love.

As a girl, I loved these stories and I believed I would have my own version. I would meet my "prince charming" in college, marry by the age of 24 and start having kids by age 27. 

Then I turned 24, then 25, 26 and so on... and there was no prince charming. He didn't come. My fairytale dreams crumbled under the weight of reality, so I tried altering my timeline. Surely I would be married by thirty, right?

But as the imminence of the big 3-0 drew closer, I came face to face with the fact that I had it all wrong. All this time, I wanted a life that I was told I deserved by culture, family, friends, church and my overly romantic self. I waited and waited for this life to begin, hoping for something that wasn't within God's timeline for me.  I set myself up for disappointment and blamed God for it.

And then one day my eyes were opened. I looked at my life and realized it is good. I have a great job, a supportive community of friends, a good relationship with my parents, and have traveled around the world.

My life is amazing and I almost missed it because I was waiting.

So I'm letting go of the fairytale. I still want to get married and have a family, but I am not waiting anymore. I am stepping into the unknown, where the only certainty is that God has a good plan for my life, better than any fairytale ever written.