I have not done singleness well.
I've spent a lot of time wondering when I will get married
and to whom. I’ve looked for love in wrong places, been angry at God for not
giving me someone to be with and made really bad relationship choices to keep
from being lonely. I’ve tried to control the matter by joining every online
dating service known to man and forcing people to set me up with their friends.
Briefly, very briefly, I swore off men, deciding I didn’t need them at all ever
again.
All the while, I couldn’t understand why God – who is
supposed to be good – would allow me to go through this life alone and keep
me from being in a relationship. “You gave Adam a companion, why not me?”
Then the math-lover in me realized something wasn’t adding
up. Either God wasn’t actually good, or I was looking at this all wrong. Since
God has proven himself to be good - in scripture, among my friends and in other
areas in my own life – then I had it wrong. There must be a way to be content
in singleness.
And so I have begun, slowly and methodically, to understand
how I got to this place of discontent and how to get to a place of satisfaction
– where I can embrace and enjoy this life God has given to me, living it to the
fullest.
I’m not there yet, but I am getting closer.
